


time has passed and so will i

by pinball_mentality



Series: oh spider, crushed beneath my foot, tell me who i am (tell me who i’m supposed to be) [4]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Nonbinary Kurapika (Hunter X Hunter), One Shot, Pain, after watching saiki k for 10 straight hours, hey gang i wrote this like two weeks ago and am now uploading it at 1:15am, kurapika recognizing their shit health and not doing anything to fix it, kurapika: my past self would hate me, me: i hate my past self lol jokes on u, no beta we die like half the cast of hxh, they/them pronouns for Kurapika
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29258289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinball_mentality/pseuds/pinball_mentality
Summary: their hands are scraped from the shovel they used to bury themself in grief. (a red-eyed child looks down at them and they ask them how to breathe.)
Series: oh spider, crushed beneath my foot, tell me who i am (tell me who i’m supposed to be) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2053668
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	time has passed and so will i

**Author's Note:**

> more kurapika angst?? from the local kurapika simp?? more likely than you’d think
> 
> anyways haha yeah i definitely wrote this two weeks ago and just didn’t upload it (w h o o p s) but i hope you enjoy regardless !! <3

sometimes they think that their past self would be disappointed in them. they would look at their crumpled, worn suit and blood soaked hands. they would look at their purple ringed eyes, purple so deep it buried a thousand lies and a thousand grievances. they would look at the way they talk, all monotone and tired like they haven't seen the sun in days, and maybe it's true.

they would look at the chains that seem to be wrapped around their throat, choking them and choking them until one day the clock stops ticking and emperor time decides to visit them and then they'd _really_ be unable to answer any calls.

yeah, their past self probably wouldn't be the biggest fan of their future.

_(they don't dare to think about pairo, who told them to have a good adventure, one worth smiling about. they give a half-hearted apology to the air. the dead aren't listening but maybe pairo hears it anyways, all kind and forgiving and bright smiles and maybe he'd have his eyes back, too.)_

perhaps the biggest disappointment would be the way they shut their phone off whenever they receive a call, the way they deny themself a brief moment of respite from hell on earth. this isn't noble. self-sacrifice isn't noble. weakness isn't noble.

their resolve was really so weak that they couldn't pick up a phone call because they _know_ they'd break down and cry and a gentle voice would comfort them over the phone and they'd go running back and whatever the _fuck_ happened to righteousness and honor?

they have changed. so have the definitions of "right" and "wrong". maybe they used to be someone who would have honor, someone who would look down upon what they're doing now. the same person who would get tired of hearing their own voicemail on repeat every day.

that's not them, though, so kurapika shuts their phone off and plans the next spider leg to crush with the very chains that are dragging them down to hell.

the clock ticks continue on.

**Author's Note:**

> pretty sure this wasn’t coherent but in my defense all my motivation comes at like 1am so really who’s the victim here
> 
> anyways i hope you enjoyed!! thanks for reading. feel free to drop some kudos and leave a comment! it gives me that sweet, sweet serotonin. :)


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